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Do you feel like a Jerk?
Or are you scared of Death?

HELP! How do I Handle Anxiety and Panic Attacks?


Q. I feel like an utter Jerk! Sooo Embarrassed! I am so completely mortified that EVERYBODY, including my crush of one and a half years now, knows that I have a crush on him! I want to crawl in a hole and hide away forever; change my name; run away. It's awful (and, I'm in my mid-30s, so it's worse).

A. You must be feeling terrible but it really depends on the quality of the life you intend to lead. This is just one happening but it is indicative of the low confidence you have, the negative way you view yourself, your dire need for approval and your need to raise your self-esteem much higher, and quickly, to really start enjoying life.

Think about this carefully: What is the worst that can happen if your friends know of your crush on this guy? Will you die? Will you be any worse as a person? Will terrible things happen to you? On the scale of events it really is pretty trivial, though it might seem major to you because of your negative perception. Your friends will probably have a laugh about it, if they were surprised at it, but you would STILL be the same great person you are. Nothing would have changed. The main thing to remember is that just as you can have a crush on someone you can easily go off them, so that's nothing major in the scale of life's issues.

It is time to start facing up to your convictions in life, especially if you are over 30. Time to be proud of your feelings. Time to stop feeling unworthy of others and start behaving as if you are the greatest and they are lucky to have your attention. If you do not think much of yourself, why should they like what you reject? Get out of yourself by taking an interest in others, making conversation with others for the sake of it, appearing interesting because you are interested, instead of worrying what they might say. Then you won't care who says yes or no to you because someone who values you WILL always say yes.

Anxiety comes from worrying about the consequences relating to your actions. Yet consequences come with decisions, so you cannot live your life fearing the consequences of what might happen. Otherwise you will never take any risks or make crucial decisions, and will miss the joys in life. You are so busy focusing on the bad things that might happen, you forget that life has two sides, and that good things might happen too, if you allow them and stop fearing them. Time to start believing in you and, above all, LOVING yourself before anyone can love you.

That man cannot love what you don't love, and fear is never attractive. So don't fear that man's reaction. If you have already told him you like him and he is ignoring you, then you have your answer. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Get used to being rejected, that's life. It's likely to be his loss. You really will find someone right for you when you are ready for it, when you have the courage to allow it to happen and not hang back feeling fearful.

Of course you should see your co-workers again. Why not? Have you committed a crime? You recover by stop worrying about the negatives and build your confidence to enjoy the positives. Ask them about it and laugh it off. Tell them the outcome and move on. You did something natural. You fancied someone. That is your right. That person can accept or reject it. That is THEIR right. Life is for living and enjoyment, not just skulking in fear with everything you do.

Believe me, it is magical when we leave that paralysing fear behind and begin to recognise what is possible.

Do you hate making mistakes?
There's an important reason for that


A mistake is a creation of hindsight. In effect, there really is no such thing as a mistake!

Whatever action you did was the only one possible for YOU at the time - that's why you did it! Looking back with hindsight from a better vantage point of experience, it is easy to berate yourself and feel badly for what happened, but how were you to know otherwise without the necessary experience? If you hate making mistakes you are unlikely to be an inventor, scientist or entrepreneur. Simply because any mistake is a form of trial and error.

It is our desire for perfection why we see a past action as inadequate compared to the present, when ALL actions are part of our development and growth and teach us something new. Without any mistakes we would never learn the difference between what is appropriate and what is not, or what works and what doesn't. It is only in our modern world where we get hung up on mistakes. But up to a century ago, before we had this shiny technologically accomplished world, mistakes were taken as given, part and parcel of living, because that was the only way people could learn about their world or invent things: through trial and error. Sadly, now that we are the beneficiaries of numerous inventions which some people even paid for with their lives, we want a perfect world without 'mistakes'.

As to a 'mistake' itself, there are five factors why anyone would make a 'mistake' or do something inappropriate. It is usually because they lack the confidence, knowledge, resources, training and/or, above all, the maturity, to deal with a particular situation. They have to act from their limited base of awareness, mainly on instincts, only to find out later on that such action was not adequate. But that was part of their essential learning process and when anyone denies mistakes or focuses on them too negatively, one simply denies their growth and limit their progression.

Worse still, one is always left with a feeling of inadequacy and doubt about one's capabilities, which then erodes one's self confidence and self esteem. That is why the people who tend to make mistakes are the perfectionists who try their hardest to avoid them and who lack the confidence to act any differently. But the more they try to avoid mistakes, the more anxious they will get and, ipso facto, the more mistakes they'll make!

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Imagination and Fear:
The most powerful combination to negatively affect your life


Here is a very simple exercise for you: Try exercising your free will and doing something as forcefully as you can that your imagination doesn't want you to do because you fear it? You would find it very difficult. No matter how much you might want to do it, or how determined you are, if your imagination is uncomfortable with it, you will become fearful and your will power will lose out.

Without realising it, our imagination is the most powerful force within us, far more powerful than anything in reality. It is responsible for three main things:

1. Providing a vision of our future and fulfilling the aspirations we have. In other words, this is the most powerful force behind the creation of our world and everything we have ever desired. We think it, we imagine it, visualise it in our mind's eye and, hey presto!, our will power brings it into being. Someone once said to be careful what we imagine because if we can visualise it, no matter how outlandish and evil, we can bring it to life. It is only a matter of time before we work out the way to do it.

For example, in the 1940s when scientists in America were telling politicians that they would be sending an exploration trip to the moon at some point in the future, seeking the funds to get the project started, the disbelievers (especially politicians), who were both scared and excited by the idea, were not hard to find. Many felt it would never happen in their lifetime and thought it was a non-starter.

Some thought it would be flying in the face of God's intentions, or even playing God Himself, especially with the sky being regarded as God's domain, while the very limited and fearful imagination of others could not even visualise the possibility, let alone see its potential. Most people said it was not possible and feared even the thought of it. Twenty years later it became a reality when Neil Armstrong took his first steps on the moon. The strong imagination of the scientists and creative believers won over the very limited imagination of the politicians and public, hands down!

2. Reliving our past and storing our memories. Thanks to our imagination, we can savour the positive experiences we have had and relive them over and over again in all their glory inside our heads. The imagination not only stores those memories, good and bad, but also embellishes them for our benefit. We can imagine whatever we want in the privacy of our own heads, adding or subtracting as we wish, which is why many people say, for example, that the real sex organs of our bodies have less to do with genitals and far more to do with the grey matter between our ears that powers our imagination! Without imagination to relive our existence we would have no concept of what we had already done, especially when our physical reality relates only to that very moment of which we are conscious. Everything else is either the past or the future.

3. Acting as a coping mechanism to help us to deal with our fears. Our imagination helps us to face our fears by imagining both the best and worst of any situation and gradually coming to terms with it, or dealing with it more agreeably. We can never escape our thoughts. Yet, it is by playing out scenarios in our heads which threaten or give us discomfort, seeing them visually, and even exaggerating their effects (especially when we are fearful), that we are gradually able to make sense of such situations and to disarm their power over us.

Our imagination helps us to provide solutions to challenging problems, to imagine the kind of ideal situations we seek and to act upon them. This function of protecting you can also inhibit what you achieve in your life because it will instll fear through gross exaggeration of the negative consequences of your actions rather than propel you towards the winner's post.

In the realm of creativity your imagination has no equal. It actually allows you to see everything from the end, exactly as you desire it. You can have the completely finished product just as you want, which makes the act of materialising it that much easier and more exciting. If you are feeling frustrated with your life, feeling fearful and disinclined, it could be because, on one hand, you are not using your imagination much, refusing to see the dream you want inside your head and to slowly nurture its development.

Or you could be using your imagination in the wrong way by exaggerating your fears and the future consequences of your desires. In essence, you are afraid to use your imagination in its most creative way; afraid to dream or let your desires have full rein. As the quality of your world works mainly from what you imagine, and if all you imagine is fear, which dogs your every move, then all your life will manifest is fear in all its forms which will inevitably limit your achievements.

Allow your imagination free roaming today and you might even surprise yourself. Your imagination is the invisible link to your destiny. The main question is: How will you use that link and what kind of destiny can you see in your mind?

Why am I always afraid of any kind of DRAMA?
How can I be stronger?


Q. I'm an 18 year old guy and shouldn't be feeling like this. Plus I hang out with friends who always get in fights and they sometimes drag me in it. Can I avoid the constant drama?


A. You can only be stronger by building your confidence. You obviously have a lot of fear in your life through a lack of affirmation and value from those you care about. Only learning to love and value yourself will give you the gradual strength you need to face the world. 

But the first thing you could do is to change your friends. Friends who are always fighting or dragging you into it, especially when you don't really want to, will do nothing for you. Strength isn't about fighting. It is about confidence, high self esteem, personal appreciation and living to your own values. 

You feel weak because you really don't want to fight and are living against your own values. You need the confidence to stick by your own principles, not just follow what others do in a blind, accepting kind of way. You will feel much better for it, too, when you start hanging out with people who share your aspirations, beliefs and principles, as you will feel reinforced and affirmed as a person.

In answer to your question, you are afraid of drama because that is against your nature, yet you are hanging out with people who are only interested in drama. That would create continual dissonance for you:  always making you feel  stressed and inadequate because you are not being affirmed in your beliefs and whom you wish to be. Time to change your crowd and find people who share your world and hopes. Then you will start to feel much better about who you are and what you care about.

We all have a feeling of wanting to BELONG, to be included and valued. Your wish to belong is drawing you towards the wrong kind of people for you which does nothing for your self esteem because they don't reflect how you feel. I think once you change your friends - perhaps by joining clubs and societies that you like - you are likely to find that you feel much better within yourself and far less troubled about your life.

I'm just 21, so why do I feel depressed?


Q. I'm 21 year old.. I don't have a girlfriend for years.. Girls say I’m an attractive guy and when I'm outside I see some eyes on me.. But I'm not that social and I feel so shy outside. I started to doubt I will ever have a gf or touch a girl.. Maybe I should have sex with someone professional and feel better? Am I depressed?

A. Lots of youngsters feel depressed at 21 mainly because they spend their young lives wanting to be older, then they are officially adults, with all the responsibility and new behaviour that entails, and then they feel burdened by the age. Being older gradually becomes a fearful disappointment for them.

Furthermore, things are not going quite how you want it which makes life even more isolating. But never fear. You will find your girl and do the things you yearn for. It just takes a little more time because you are either not yet ready emotionally for a relationship, or you are too anxious and unwittingly stopping things from happening naturally.

I don't think you are really depressed. You are probably just feeling low because things seem to be taking a long time to happen the way you expected. But you could be preventing them from happening because of your shyness. If girls are looking at you and you are not doing anything in return, how can anything happen? It takes two people to make a relationship, so you cannot just wait to receive. You have to get out of yourself and give something back for your desires to be realised.

If you wish to experiment by going to a professional, that's your choice, and it might even help to bring you out of yourself, but I believe you just need to stop the self focus and reach out to others instead by joining activity clubs or taking a real interest in something that will make you less self-conscious. That is the only way you will appear interesting to others.

The first thing to do is to try to build your confidence to deal with girls, to aim to enjoy yourself without thinking about life too much, and just go for it! You would be surprised what can happen when you least expect it. :o)

Transition: Are you going through a Mid-Life Crisis?


I remember feeling terribly depressed for a few years leading up to being 40. Perhaps I secretly dreaded the fleeting years and my looks changing. Suddenly I wanted to know who I was, and where I was heading. Being an education manager with lots of responsibilities did not appeal to me anymore. I wanted to express myself but was not sure of the form this would take or how I would get my thoughts to the great wide world. I became irritated, disorientated and in constant need of enlightened self-awareness. I went on various seminars, the really crappy types that claimed to show you how to 'boost your confidence' and were run by people who could do with some confidence-boosting themselves, which only depressed me more.

Yet, though I love the interaction with the kids at school, I felt unfulfilled and stifled within education. One morning, without really knowing why, and to my former partner's eternal consternation, I handed in my notice, took a supply post in another school and pondered my next move for the next three months before moving into my own magazine and the media. Though it made me very little money, more community than commercial in tone and operation, I did it for 14 years and I was supremely happy. The move was something I felt I had to do for my own development and sanity. Inexplicably, I felt driven towards that decision because, by then, I had learnt how not to do certain things, if nothing else.

In real terms, the transition to mid-life is gradual. There are no major landmarks or signals to one's entry into this new and uncharted domain. Personal perception becomes more important than actual age at this time of transition because a person's feelings about his/her life are more significant than any chronological timetable. It is a period marked by stress for some, by constraints for others and by freedom for the remainder. For men, health and job concerns may dominate. Near the peak of their careers, men are likely to view the encroachment of age and change with much fear. Perhaps that is why there is the public reassurance that 'life begins at 40', even though nothing of any significance actually happens on one's 40th birthday! However, the start of another decade does provide a visible symbol of a gradual ageing and maturing process with the promise of more excitement to come.

Failure in Personal Timetable

People normally change very slowly so it usually takes a crisis to change them radically. A crisis is a major or drastic unexpected event in our life, such as bereavement, warfare, divorce or a new direction in career or lifestyle. A transition is a minor change like remaining married but changing the nature of the relationship, or the changing culture of work to alter our outlook and attitude to life. However, a minor transition period is likely to be seen as a crisis if there is failure in the personal timetable we have set ourselves, like no promotion, if one was anticipated, a marriage in trouble, or no children, if they were expected. The only certainty here is that any event at this time becomes a milestone that pushes our life into sharp relief, forcing us to face the unpleasant fact that our main dream is not going to be realised.

For example, it may be that a man is the chairman of a very successful company, but still feels a failure because his dream was to get a peerage, to go to the House of Lords. Or someone very athletic, who runs local marathons, may feel unfulfilled because his dream was to represent the US. Or a top saleswoman may feel inadequate because she wanted a family and cannot have kids. Those secret dreams all represent yardsticks of success which act as personal markers to our progress and loom large the moment we feel dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

Thwarted Dreams
Dealing successfully with this stage of our life really depends on our internal aspirations and sense of fulfilment. Regardless of the achievement, the main concern will relate to which of our personal dreams are likely to remain just that: unfulfilled dreams. Of course, there is no certainty that one is never going to be famous or a millionaire, but, if these things have not yet occurred within the preferred time frame, all seems lost at this stage. Thus the type of choices we make at this time will determine if we are in a mid-life crisis or a mid-life transition.

Mid-life transition involves adapting to new roles and responsibilities, but with less self-confidence, as a direct consequence of this new self-awareness. Learning about the self always carries with it a realisation of the ways in which one is inadequate or immature. This is usually a painful and deeply personal process which involves some form of self-shame and which totally excludes others. Relationships tend to take the brunt of this angst because there is a strong desire to jettison the old life and 'start over' again, especially with new, exciting partners who are often perceived to be more encouraging and understanding. This state immediately changes perceptions, behaviour and the dynamics of any relationship, especially if the other party is unaware of the causes but can clearly see the symptoms reflected in the changed behaviour or a state of denial.

Anxiety is destroying my life. What can I do about it?


Q. I was diagnosed with social anxiety/ general anxiety / depression at 16 yrs old and have been taking anti-depressants ever since . I’ve been to a few cbt counselling sessions which haven’t helped me a lot. I’m 23 now and it’s been 7 years since I left school and I’m still in the same position with no job, girlfriend, social life, perhaps even worse now, because I’ve lost contact with all friends and nobody knows me anymore. I’ve never had a job because of my problems and I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped and rather be dead than suffer any longer.


A. I can really sympathise with you because it cannot be a nice emotional place to be, Without knowing your details I would say that, having been on suppressant drugs for so long, it is difficult for you to see the wood for the trees. However, it sounds as though you have no self belief, your confidence is at a low ebb and you need to start rebuilding your life, slowly, and hopefully, without any medication in the end, if you are going to have a fulfilling quality of life. To make matters worse, you have no social support and sound pretty isolated just now, which can’t be good for you.

Personal confidence is the most essential attribute for getting on in this world; a belief that anything is possible, especially at a young age. You need to get your enthusiasm for life back again and start to appreciate the wonderfully unique person you are, otherwise no one will recognise that either. But only you can do it by getting that positive perspective, self-value and confidence back. You also need to start joining activity clubs that will bring you in contact with like-minded people, or register for some courses that will help you towards getting employment, while also helping you to meet others, perhaps a possible girlfriend. 

A good place to start the rebuilding is to ask yourself daily exactly what it is you fear? What causes your anxieties? And try to address them, one by one. Keep asking yourself questions until you get to the root of those fears because only by addressing their root cause will you ever find the faith, belief and confidence in yourself, or begin to feel comfortable in yourself to lead a different life. 

My guess is that you have never been shown the value you seek; never felt worthwhile and significant as a child/teen and you have grown up in the detached, isolated way. However, you are an adult now and can change your life in fantastic ways, but you need that confidence and self esteem first in order to both relate to yourself and others. Perhaps my website, confidence-guide.com, might be of assistance. Otherwise, only a professional can help, while you say you are getting that already. Sounds like you need some kind of group therapy which will get you in touch with others like you to offer a different perspective and essential support. Do give it a try.

The Effect of Negative Self-Perception on Our Lives


I remember asking my favourite question (how much someone would rate their looks out of 10) to a high achiever with nagging self-doubts. Back came the reply that it would be "Only six" because he is "not as good looking as Tom Cruise or Richard Gere".

But I did not compare him to those actors. He did. I asked him a simple question about his perception of himself. It was his own low perception of his value and his impossible standard of comparing himself to others with whom he has little connection, using a narrow standard of acceptability, which was keeping him from fully appreciating how wonderful he was too. When asked the same question, I am tempted to say "11" because I am not competing with anyone and I accept and love myself very much.

Many people of low esteem have a negative perception. This encourages them to live their lives comparing themselves to others in a futile and unrealistic way, instead of valuing themselves with all their imperfections and acknowledging their own uniqueness and strengths. Not surprisingly, they will never feel good about themselves against such impossible yardsticks, neither will others feel good around them too.

The Perception of Leadership
The true essence of personal perception and its individual bias becomes obvious in the notion of leadership. There is the tendency to believe that leaders lead and followers follow and that we personally are effective and efficient leaders (using current benchmark as a guide), but our intended followers may have a very different perception of what leadership should be. We might think we are leading but very few people might be following! It does not matter whose perception is 'right'. What does matter is that we perceive and we believe. Perception is the truth in our reality. That's all we have. The fact that people can perceive the same thing differently must therefore become an integral part of the decision-making process for all workplaces, and also be fully acknowledged in the domestic routine.

In short, if a person perceives a certain situation relating to him/her, that will be the only perception which will be initially accepted, not the perception of another, and this has huge implications for social interactions, workplaces and relationships. We cannot impose our own perception on others as their reality. That only leads to confusion, anger, resentment and a feeling of not being heard or valued. The truth of any situation has to be negotiated according to individual perceptions. To ignore the importance of this perceptual process in our lives is to ignore a major determinant of all behaviour which is at the root of much misunderstanding (in relationships), much prejudice (in interactions) and discrimination (in work and society).

Self-perception is very powerful because it leads to the perception of everything else in our live in a domino effect. Hence if we feel like crap, the world will appear as crap too, negative and threatening. And if we feel like winners, the world will appear as our oyster, full of opportunities and possibilities. It all starts from inside our heads so we have to watch the quality of those thoughts, especially when they have been shaped by both childhood and experiences. Are they positive or punitive, hopeless or hopeful? It is entirely up to us!

When we are dealing with individual perceptions,
is there such a thing as 'The Truth'?


People talk a lot about wanting to know 'the truth' but is there such a straightforward thing? There seems to be only different versions of the truth, according to individual viewpoints. That is why there is so much problem with conflicting negotiations: each party wishes for their version of what they see as 'truth' to be recognised, but no one is prepared to acquiesce too easily because they both want to be 'right'. However, your reality is not mine and mine is not yours, so how can we share a universal 'truth', unless we both make the effort to actually alter our viewpoint to accommodate each other's truth?

The only universal truth here is that people spend their time trying to force their reality on one another. They seldom stop to ask how they can change other people's 'truths', if they find it so difficult to change their own! Human interaction is broadly a competitive one, where oneupmanship seems to dwarf everything else. It means the struggle for that 'truth' becomes even more intense as everyone tries to show that they are the ones privileged to have it.

But at the heart of human action is perception. We all perceive our lives in ways which have been influenced by our childhood, especially how we've been treated, adult experiences, the things we value and what we reject. It means that we will only ever share anything with others on a superficial level. It is impossible to share the exact reality of someone else because their whole life journey forms that perception, while their gender, culture and age regulate it. Hence why perception changes as we evolve.

Everyone is correct in their stated individual experience because it is unique to them. Each experience might share certain elements with others but no one can make sweeping statements about another, when they are merely speaking from their own limited perception, one they are fully entitled to hold, one which might be accurate for them and how they perceive their world, but which does not speak for other worlds and without the right to impose it on others.

Trying to convince one another of each other's point is so futile because each person's experience is valid and true for them. No one has a monopoly of what life means, or how to interpret the meaning we all seek from it. We perceive, so we are, and that is the only truth and reality we can subscribe to, unless we wish to SHARE that reality by modifying personal perceptions in some way and accepting the perception of another to either enhance, or limit, our own.

What is Wrong With This World?


There is NOTHING wrong with this world at all, in my opinion. This is a beautiful, glorious world, full of things which we are enjoying as well as things which might not go to plan. The way we perceive the world is actually inside our heads, not outside of it. The way the world looks to us is entirely dependent on how we FEEL about it, our emotional happiness, not how it is in reality.

When we feel insecure, lacking in confidence, low in self-esteem and unable to cope with the crises that are meant to enrich us, and make us more resilient, we then see the world in an entirely negative light. Everything that is supposed to be 'bad' looms large, while the goodness pales into the background, especially when we cannot control it or impose our views and power upon it.

But whatever 'bad' is happening in the world forms a natural balance of two sides of the same coin: life and death. We cannot have one without the other. The seasons represent life in microcosm: spring is the vibrancy of our existence, the birth of all we desire and cherish while winter symbolises a kind of retreat, hibernation and death. Yet without winter ending we would not have spring and without spring ending we would not enjoy the glorious hot summer. Whatever happens in life reflects those extremes in both the 'bad' things and 'good' things. That is why there is always a good reason for something bad, even though it is not obvious at the time, because every bad occurrence makes room for something new. A jar has to be empty before it can be filled, so something has to die before a new life is possible.

If we lived in a world which simply had goodness at every step we would be deprived of the opportunity to develop ourselves through change. We would be weak, stagnant, apathetic people without diversity, without rebirth and without hope. Everything would remain exactly the same every day of their lives. It is the change in our world, the crises, the events and the natural disasters that regenerate our environment, develop our talents, educate our minds, bring out the best in us, hone our survival skills and make us more resilient.

This is a fantastic world and I give grateful thanks each new day that I am granted extra hours of life to be an exciting part of its birth, it's promise, it's awesome, unfolding existence and, inevitably, it's death.

Why Many Young People Commit Suicide


Q. A young man who was billed to be married to his hearthrob of almost 5 years was found hanging from a rope in the middle of his parlour barely 3 days to his wedding, The girl went ahead and married him even in death, saying she cannot love anyone again. The guy left no note to indicate why he committed suicide. What kind of problem would really make people take their own lives?

A. This is a very sad case but it is not unusual. In the UK, the most suicides are committed by young men between the ages of 24 and 25. I don't think such suicides are caused by any one problem. I think this could be the time when lots of young people are low in emotional health (self love, confidence, esteem, relationships), and as they do not have the experience to see possible solutions to their negative feelings, they take their lives instead, which is so tragic.

The ages between 18 and 25, when the young person is a fully fledged adult can be pretty scary. From being quite carefree at university, perhaps, they are now in the wide world expected to get a job, to find a partner and to settle down. For youngsters with a good home grounding, big ambitions and the confidence to forge their way, this is not too difficult. But for many others who lack self love and self esteem, suddenly having all these responsibilities, in such a competitive arena which can make them feel inadequate, is very difficult to bear.

The biggest causes of their suicides are most likely to relate to relationships, which are at the heart of emotional health: both love partnerships and work relationships. The rules have changed dramatically between men and women over the years and many youngsters are not sure of those rules, can't handle rejection and don't know how to form meaningful relationships with women. Couple that with a career which is not doing very well, or aspirations which are not being fulfilled, and that person is likely to feel a sense of isolation and failure, especially if they do not have the strong family support behind them.

Our technological world has advanced us tremendously in some ways but it has made us more isolated, more competitive, more superficial in relationships and far more insecure. Many young people, especially young men, despite their knowledge of that technology, feel vulnerable and insecure, especially in people issues. When they are not sure how to bridge the gap between their home and their new life, how to have successful interactions, or how to achieve their desires, the world can look like a very grim place from which some cannot wait to escape.

I am not sure what the answers are to stem such tragic exodus, but it is something that needs addressing urgently, if only to save a few more lives each year.

Are you scared of DEATH?


I don't fear death at all. Perhaps it is because I am getting older and more contented about my life. Moreover, when we fear death, we spend so much time worrying and fretting about it, we might as well be dead, because we rob ourself of a life!

Death is inevitable, one essential part of the cycle of Nature and that cycle is: birth, growth, death and rebirth, in relentless movement every day and for every aspect of life. Nothing can be born unless there has been death. Like the seasons. If Spring did not die, we would not have summer, and if Winter did not die, we would not have Spring. Death is therefore a natural part of our existence. Yes, it is okay to fear how we die, as most of us fear pain, but if we keep focused on how we wish to die, we would probably die like that anyway. The best thing is to mentally accept everything we have in our existence as essential to it, and that includes death.

Because death is inevitable, the best way to deal with it is to face it squarely, say "Bring it on when you're ready, Mr Reaper!" and make the most of TODAY, of every single day you are then given. Don't take any day for granted as it could be your last. Having faced death in your head, you can then move on to enjoy the life you will have. But if you keep fearing it, you will keep fretting about it, you will not have a great quality of life because it will be constantly overshadowed by thoughts of death and you might even bring it on quicker through a self-fulfilling prophecy!

We ALL have to die at some point. Accept it fully and determine to then enjoy the precious life you will have and you will find that death holds no fears for you. I am 60 years old, I absolutely adore life, I look fabulous and I am not going anywhere in a hurry, so death will have to wait a long time for me to answer its call! But should today prove to be my last day, I will live it to the maximum, give thanks for it and die with a smile of satisfaction and achievement. Why on earth should I spend valuable time in life worrying about something that I cannot change, and something negative too, when I can do a lot to affect the quality of my life through other great thoughts? I cannot afford to waste a moment of it.

In fact, why worry about death while ignoring my life and its potential? That would be like a living death in itself. Trust in your own beliefs, religion or whatever you adhere to, and death will have no sting! That's the whole point of belief.

Life is fantastic. Live it in gratitude and death will hold no fears!

Do you ever wonder: Is it all worth it...?


Are you approaching 40, or just past it? :o)

I ask because this is a very common question for people approaching mid-life and experiencing the dreaded midlife crisis where everything seems pointless, past actions are questionable, achievements seem to have come at a huge price, and the value of one's direction in life becomes subject to examination.

Many people, particularly men, go through life chasing particular dreams which become the be-all and end-all of their existence. They even sacrifice relationships and people to reach those desired objectives. Then they reach their anticipated destination, especially in their jobs and fortunes (or some might not) and find that life is no different at that point; that life perhaps feel even harder than before.

But worst of all, they might have lost a lot in the process of reaching that objective and that is the hardest for them to accept. They do not feel anything like they imagined they would feel. Success is tinged with much sadness and regret. What was it all for? What's the point of it? Was it really worth it? They might ask themselves. It happens to millions every year who focus on their development and growth to the exclusion of all else.

As to me, I tend to ask that question only when there is a crisis in my family , when someone is taken away, like my sister of 36 years old, who suddenly died without any warning leaving three young children and deprived of all her life ahead of her; or a real tragedy in the world, like the devastation in Haiti; the little seven year old boy who was chosen to lead the English football team on the pitch in the FIFA World Cup and whose mother is dying of Aids and his father already dead. He is left feeling bewildered by it and impotent to help his situation; or when I hear of young people being murdered with so much that they have been robbed of. Yes, at such times the question seems almost tangible!

However, being spiritual, I console myself with the thought that everything happens for a reason and we do not yet comprehend everything in our world, neither can we change anything except ourselves, while we strive to make a difference to others. And then I give thanks for me, my life, my children, my ex-partner, my relatives, my friends and all the people sent to accompany me on my journey, like the good folks I meet on these discussion forums, and for all my blessings.

Suddenly it all seems very precious - and infinitely worth it! :o)


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